Well, you may well know by now that I (Ruth) am an English teacher and am passionate about reading and especially getting children engaged in books and reading from a young age. You may also know that both Loretta and I have really rather active little mites who, although they both enjoy books, are often in need of activities that burn off a little more energy than reading, so I gave some thought to the matter and when we met up with the kids, we went on a bear hunt…
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So I came across another article yesterday that basically blamed mothers for any messed up adults (again!) the headline being – ‘How bond with mother in first 18 months can shape our love life!’ I should probably say it was in the Daily Mail which helped me not to take it too seriously. However, the article was based on research done by a team of psychologists and university professors (The study is published in the journal Current Directions in Psychological Science) which again doesn’t particularly mean it’s any more true – but nevertheless made it appear slightly more official. The researchers found ‘those children with a secure bond with their mothers were likely to have more successful relationships later on in life’. This much I agree with and I know there has been extensive research that the first years are of huge significance to a person’s life course. There has also been extensive research on how physical touch and love have a massive effect on the brain development of children – see a brilliant book on this called ‘The Science of Parenting’. However, the research in this article goes a step further claiming:
‘Your interpersonal experiences with your mother during the first 12 to 18 months of life predict your behaviour in romantic relationships 20 years later.’
Apparently the ability to ‘trust, love and work through arguments’ is developed early on in these crucial stages. I don’t think a single person could read the article and not end up analysing whether there is a correlation between their mother’s love and the success or failure of their relationships. My problem with this is whether it gives adults an excuse for poor behaviour and encourages a lack of responsibility for one’s actions.
The article does go on to say, ‘Old patterns can be overcome. A betrayed baby can become loyal. An unloved infant can learn to love.’ Which suggests we are not a slave to our upbringing though even this was put in a particularly harsh way.
It is not new news that our childhood affects who we are as adults but when it comes to romantic relationships I would have thought we were more influenced by the opposite sex parent to a larger extent and surely at a much later stage in life? As with most sweeping statements it ignores the multitudes of other factors that influence a persons conduct in a relationship.
If this study is to be trusted then where does that leave every mother who has suffered with post natal depression and was unable to bond with her child during that crucial first year? Feeling pretty crap I would think!
I’m a firm believer that most things can be turned around with a big, and consistent, dose of love and that we have the power to change ourselves, break the mould and decide who we want to be!
The BearCub is really into cooking lately and I’m not one to discourage culinary skills in a man! We do a lot of ‘play’ cooking and he loves creating me weird and wonderful meals to pretend to eat. However, when he really wants to get messy and do the real thing I send him to aunty!! My sister lets BearCub do everything I would never let him do: unload the dishwasher, play guitar (a real one), rearrange her cupboards and cook with ‘real’ food!! I guess that is what favourite aunties are for! Well last time she let BearCub lose on her kitchen they made some actually really delicious cakes and when I asked her about it she told me she found the recipe designed for kids to really get involved and do most of it themselves – which of course BearCub loved. So I thought I’d share it. It’s great to find kid friendly recipes and always a bonus if the result is edible!!!
The recipe is from Cook UK and it really is a cake recipe that your kids can make with minimum supervision. They promise that, “Children will enjoy making the cake mixture and seeing it turn into small cakes within half an hour” and my sister says it’s true. Furthermore the site has sections where it says which parts you need to do and which parts your child can do by themselves so they can really feel ownership of their creations:
For the cakes
2 medium eggs
110g / 4oz self-raising flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
110g / 4oz butter (soft)
110g / 4oz sugar
170g / 6oz icing sugar
85g / 3oz butter (soft)
3 drops of vanilla extract
1 tablespoon of milk
12 Cake Cases
THE ADULT: This recipe is a lot easier if the butter is soft.
YOU – Pour all the ingredients for the cakes (not the Butter Icing ingredients) into a bowl and start off the mixing.
Preheat the oven to 170 C / 325 F / Gas Mark 3.
YOUR CHILD – Continue mixing until all the ingredients are well mixed together.
Use a spoon to fill each cake tin about half to two thirds full with cake mixture.
YOUR CHILD – Place the filled cake case on a baking tray. A flat tray is fine but if you have a bun tin with cake case holes, all the better (click picture on right to enlarge).
YOU – Place the baking tray in the pre-heated oven (170 C / 325 F / Gas Mark 3). Put it in the middle of the oven and cook for 30 minutes.
Do not open the oven door for at least 20 minutes. If you do, the cakes may well collapse. They are cooked when golden brown.
YOU – Use a sharp knife to slice off the top part of each cake. Click the picture on the right to get a better idea of the size of the slice.
Cut the sliced off cake into two, these will be used later to form the wings of the butterfly.
YOUR CHILD – Place all the ingredients for the butter icing in a large bowl and stir for about five minutes until all the ingredients are well combined.
YOUR CHILD – Place about a teaspoon full of the butter icing on top of each cake. Then push the “wings” into the butter icing.
More decorations can be placed on the cake depending on what is available.
Yesterday a survey by OnePoll for I CAN, the children’s communication charity, and Openreach revealed that children in the UK are suffering as the recession forces parents to take extra work.
According to the findings the recession has forced 81% of parents in London (72% of British parents nationally) to take on extra work to make ends meet putting pressure on home life and time with children. Worryingly, parents surveyed said this impacts on the time that they have to talk and interact with their child aged 0-5 years, which could potentially impact on their child’s communication development and their school readiness. Evidence shows that children’s understanding and use of vocabulary at 2 is very strongly associated with their performance on entering primary school. More than 50% of children start school without the communication skills they need to achieve particularly in some areas of social deprivation within the UK.
Key stats from survey in London:
• Over a third are working longer hours, one-fifth have found themselves with no option but to take on a second job and a quarter of parents surveyed are now doing extra work from home.
• More than half (57%) say they have less quality time with their children as a result of their work.
The survey shows that parents of children 0-5 years old, understand the importance of regular, quality conversation with their children. However:
• 44% say they rarely have time to talk these days and blame increased workloads.
• 20% are too tired to chat with their children by the time they get home from work.
• Around a third state that either answering work calls or responding to emails often interrupts attempts to chat with their children.
• Although parents in London recognise mealtimes as one of the key occasions to engage in conversation with young children, nearly 40% are regularly missing out on these meals due to work commitments.
The survey aims to encourage as many families, nurseries, child minders, children’s groups and others across London to register and take part in I CAN’s Chatterbox Challenge 2012 ‘Kids in Motion: Get Active and Make Chatter Matter’. the 11th annual Chatterbox Challenge, from 1-7th February 2012. The Chatterbox Challenge, developed by speech and language therapists, aims to develop children’s communication skills, through songs and rhymes, in homes, nurseries and childminding groups across the country.”
With support from Openreach, donations raised during the Chatterbox Challenge go directly to I CAN’s work with children with speech, language and communication difficulties. I CAN aims to ensure that no child is left out or left behind because of a difficulty speaking or understanding.
Kate Freeman, I CAN Communication Lead Advisor says, ‘There are many quick and simple ways to help your child’s communication and we’ve put together 10 tips on building talking and singing into a busy day’:
10 TIPS FOR DEVELOPING SPEECH, LANGUAGE AND COMMUNICATION
GET YOUR CHILD’S FULL ATTENTION FIRST
Get down to the child’s level and engage their attention before speaking or asking a question – say their name to encourage them to stop and listen. Talking about what your child is interested in will also help to gain their attention.
MAKE LEARNING LANGAUGE FUN
Funny voices, rhymes, noises and singing all help children to learn language. Be silly – often the daftest things gain their attention
IMITATE CHILDREN’S LANGUAGE
With very young children, simply repeat back sounds, words and sentences. This demonstrates that you value all they say. This can be anything from “ba” to “Oh, you liked the apple?”
USE A FULL RANGE OF EXPRESSION
Speak in a lively, animated voice and use lots of gestures and facial expressions to back up your words – you’ll give clues about what your words mean
USE SIMPLE, REPETITIVE LANGUAGE
Keep sentences short – as you talk about what is happening (“We’re driving in the car” or “Wow, you’re building a tower”)
MAKE IT EASY FOR YOUR CHILD TO LISTEN AND TALK
It is easier for your child to know what to listen to if your voice is not being masked by the television or music. Give your child quiet times to help them focus on your words. If your child uses a dummy, make sure that it is not in the way of their talking. Keep dummies to sleeptimes
BUILD ON WHAT CHILDREN SAY
Talk very clearly and add one or two words to your child’s sentence – if your child says ‘look car’, you could say ‘look, red car’
GIVE CHILDREN TIME TO RESPOND
Children often need time to put their thoughts together before answering, so give them longer to respond than you would with an adult
BE CAREFUL WITH QUESTIONS
Try not to ask too many questions, especially ones that sound like you’re constantly testing the child, or where you already know the answer
DEMONSTRATE THE RIGHT WAY
Praise your child’s efforts, even if the results aren’t perfect – if the child says “we goed to the shops” the adult might say “Yes we went to the shops” of if child says “look tar” the adult could say “yes, car!”
I thought these were pretty good tips but I’d add avoid baby talk. I honestly have never understood the thinking behind teaching two versions of words when you can teach the correct one from the start! Why say ‘Choo-Choo’ when you can say ‘train’? Why teach ‘Ta’ when you can teach ‘thank you’. Some baby talk words are more difficult to say than the real ones i.e. ‘Bow wow’ V ‘dog’!!!! My son’s speech has always been fairly advanced (a real chatterbox) and although he loves using funny voices, making up words and silly rhymes (which I encourage) he has a great vocabulary and loves learning new words and their meanings. I’m sure this has been largely down to us taking advantage of his inquisitive nature and explaining things properly when he asks about them rather than palming him off with kiddy answers – that are often not true. Sometimes adults can assume a child will not understand and therefore over simplify an answer which can actually end up confusing a child – especially if they’re on to the fact that you’ve made it up! I also found responding to a question with a little bit of additional information but not too much helps to add interest and fun into learning. I also have talked a lot to my son from him being a tiny baby and I believe this helps them with their speech and understanding.
What tips would you add to encourage development in your child’s communication?
OK so it’s a bit of an ambitious title, but it’s a work in progress! Over the last few months I have discovered that it is important to meet with old friends in very different locations to those we used to. Having lived in various locations across the country and having friends spread far and wide, I have often met friends ‘half way’. We used to meet for spa days and meals, now with so many of us having kids in tow, the usual location is a park or during these winter months, a soft play. So now that I have met people in a range of locations I thought I would share my experiences with you.
Starting close to home, friends and I have the choice of 3 local soft-play centres. My favourite is the Osterly garden centre. It has a small, very clean, soft play at one end of its excellent cafe, so you can sip an Earl Grey and munch a yummy cake whilst little monsters run riot. It also does excellent kids meals and all day picnics, and because it’s a garden centre, not a dedicated soft-play, the entry is free. The next choice we have nearby is Snakes and Ladders in Brentford. This is a paying soft play, but it is much bigger and suits both older and younger children with a specific 2-5’s section and ride-ons. There is no upper age limit, but a height limit of 4’ 8’’. It is a bit frayed at the edges and the food is uninspiring, but hot and reasonably priced. Munchkin, Bearcub and their little friends with birthday’s around the same time had a joint 2nd birthday there this year and it was a good venue for this. The third option is Heathrow Gym, which is I am told is very good, but haven’t visited yet… TBC!
Around the rest of the country
Rugrats and Halfpints in Banbury: We went here to meet with friends from Birmingham. It was about an hour from West London and about an hour from Birmingham, so perfect distance. It was also really close to a lovely park so in the afternoon the kids had an outdoor run around too. It is large and clean and had a very good cafe. It cost £7.50 for a child including a hot meal and drink and adults were free, but there are loads of other options and deals and if you’re local there’s a membership scheme. The kids played happily for hours and it had excellent baby sensory sections and ride-on toys. It had both large and small soft-play sections and was not averse to grownups going in with the kids to show them the ropes first time round (as long as you take your shoes off). It is aimed at children from birth to 8 and I think it definitely has something for all.
Creepy Crawlies in York: We were staying in York with friends (you may have read the post about the York Railway Museum a few weeks ago) and needed something to keep munchkin entertained. They had taken so other friends with a 9 and 6 year old a few weeks previously, and themselves had a month old, so again this is suited to a wide age range. The most noticeable thing about this one was it’s size. It’s HUGE! It is in a factory unit and has a massive soft play area, with toddlers’ and bigger kids’ sections. The Adveture centre (as it call itself) it caters for up to 16yrs old and the outdoor section has things suitable for adults too. There is a sand pit, adventure playground and animals. They also have highwires and an eco skate rink. Oh and a kids hairdressers – this really is an everything under one roof kind of place. The cafe was really nice too – if you need another reason to visit this one!
Cheeky Monkeys in Cheshunt: This was another half way house meeting point and provided a place about an hour from us in West London and a friend in Ipswich. It was good value and really friendly. When we first arrived I was a little confused as the building looks like an old scout hut or village hall, but inside it is small, but clean and well looked after. There is a sliding scale of prices from £5.50 to £2 dependant on age for 90minutes, though when we arrived, we were told the time limit is only enforced if it is really busy and they also had a £1 off deal. There is a small under 3’s section with a wendy house and some baby gym equipment as well as the usual small soft-play things. There is then a larger play-frame suitable for older kids. There is a cafe with food and drink. It has a children’s hot menu with the usual sausage beans and chips, style meals and then there are sandwich options, jacket potatoes and paninis. All at very good prices.
These reviews are all unsponsored.
So there is my work so far – are there any near you that you would recommend? Either write about them in a comment below, or send us your brief reviews to firstname.lastname@example.org with the title SOFT PLAY and we’ll pop them up on the blog. The only requirement is that you state if you work for the centre or have been incentivised to write the review.
Is it too early to have a Christmas themed blog post? I hope not. I usually gage it by the Christmas lights being switched on in shopping centres so it seems to have officially started in some parts. I have an axe to grind, a bug to bear, a rant to rave…. Now when in my pre-parent days I heard people harp on about the over indulgence and materialism of Christmas I used to nod in agreement but secretly felt they were probably a bit of a scrooge or at least ‘tight’. Now, having become a mum and this year being the first that 2-year old BearCub seems to understand, I am outraged that the nets of marketing aimed at my seemingly innocent child have worked and fully ensnared him! Suddenly my son not only wants, but also expects, ‘everything’. Any shop we pass he is asking to buy a plane or car and any vague acquaintance that visits the house is questioned as to what they have bought him. I like to think I am not a materialistic person and we do try to avoid Milkshake in favour of Cbeebies in part due to the onslaught of child aimed mass marketing – in part due to the annoying presenters. Where has my ungrateful and greedy child come from? We have tried having the chat about not expecting presents every day and that gifts are deserving of special occasions only and I even put a ban on all gifts between a couple of weeks back and Christmas. However this all proved futile when BearCub’s Grandma returned from Australia and presented ‘just a few little gifts’ which turned out to be a massive remote controlled car and a mini motorbike – both gifts I’d deem as a main Christmas present – and with Christmas just 5 weeks away!!!! Grrr!
I really want my son to grow up with the literal awe my sister and I had when we would open our second-hand (and clearly used) presents with delight then go upstairs when it was over and find one last extra present – a Commodore 64 our mum had worked extra hours to get for us. We literally cried with joy and complete amazement! Instead my 2-year old already expects to receive whatever he wishes for!
I had a wealthy friend who would allow her children to select one toy to keep and then go with her children after Christmas to give their other gifts to less fortunate children. Maybe a step too far but I love the idea of teaching that giving is better than receiving from a young age.
You’ve probably seen the new John Lewis ad by now – you know the one everyone is raving about. Since being pregnant I have gone from a gal who had never cried at a film in her life to someone who gets choked at episodes of Holby City. The striking point of the J.L ad is the fact that we are so familiar with children impatiently counting down until Christmas in anticipation of the gifts they will receive that we are wholly touched when we realise this boy’s excitement is at that thought of giving a gift to his parents. This would obviously never happen in real life but, I do think it serves as a great reminder of the true meaning of Christmas. As to how we teach our little darlings that it’s better to give than receive when they are currently going through the stage of not at all understanding why they should share anything in the world…well if you have the answer please do let me know!!!
This week is anti-bullying week and thinking about it made me recall a conversation I had with a mummy-friend a couple of weeks back. She had been pulled aside by the nursery staff when she went to pick up her son and was told her son had been caught ‘bullying’ another child – a child with Downs Syndrome. The whole incident was very distressing for my friend and she apologised profusely.
I had very mixed emotions when she told me about it and lots of questions. In particular, what constitutes bullying by a 2 year old? My son, and many of his friends, are presently living out the ‘terrible twos’ in full force, testing every boundary known to woman and generally challenging everything. This sometimes manifests in what I suppose could be described as bullying: Being territorial over their toys, snatching, randomly diving on some poor unsuspecting child’s head, shouting at the top of their voices while just an inch away from someone’s face!! But is this bullying? Had the nursery made an issue out of ‘normal’ two-year old behaviour because the other child had Downs Syndrome?
Now, from our previous post on prejudice and children, you’ll know that I don’t believe very young children can be racist or prejudice. Difference doesn’t threaten them like it does when they get older. The other thing that struck me was how it is just as devastating to be the parent of the bully as it is to be the parent of the victim. We try to do our best with our children but sometimes they may still display bad behavior despite our best efforts – see our nature V nurture post. I am devastated at the thought of my son coming home having been bullied at school but, I am even more horrified at the thought of the school contacting me to say he has been the bully!
I am passionately against bullying and fully support this week’s campaign. Like racism, I think we can help our children against bullying by simply celebrating difference from a young age. Ask any teacher and they will tell you there is no easy way to deal with bullying however, if we can focus our efforts on growing our children into accepting, caring, confident and content human beings, maybe that is our best fight against bullying as parents.
The Beatbullying organisation says their key aim is all about ‘shaping attitudes and changing behaviours’. I’m inclined to agree that this is probably our strongest weapon to help combat bullying and we can start this with our young children as parents in the home before school even starts.
What ever you have in the house! The only must-haves are puff pastry and oil.1 quarter of a pack ready-roll puff pastry2 stips red pepper cut into small pieces2 stips green pepper cut into small pieces2 strips yellow pepper cut into small pieces1 chestnut mushroom cut into small pieces4 slices chorizo2 slices courgette cut into small pieces50g grated cheeseSmall amount of oilSmall amount of plain flour for rolling out
First roll the pastry out into a square about 20cm.Divide square into quarters and score around each square about 1-2cms in from the edge.Then load the pastry with goodies! Try to keep food inside the scoring as the pastry outside will rise.Pop in the oven for about 10 mins at 180 degrees C.
I am too tired to write a deep and meaningful blog post this morning and I’ll tell you why: Whose stupid idea was it to change the clocks twice a year? Obviously they were not thinking of the impact on Mother’s across the nation whose little darlings get up at 5.30am like mine does! What on earth were they thinking and just who does this benefit?
Well apparently it’s all to do with saving the hours of daylight, and was started by a chap called William Willett, a London builder, who lived in Petts Wood in Kent.
Basically, he reckoned that you could improve the population’s health and happiness by putting forward the clocks by twenty minutes every Sunday in April and do the opposite in September (quite obviously not a parent!). His idea was not taken up, even though a ‘Daylight Saving Bill’ was introduced some five years before the outbreak of World War One. But once the war started, it was considered prudent to economise, to promote greater efficiency in using daylight hours, and in the use of artificial lighting. And so in 1916, ‘Daylight Saving Time’ was introduced.
Hello? This was therefore about three reasons: improving health and happiness and economising due to the war. Not a very extensive study admittedly, but I’m yet to meet a person let alone a parent whose happiness, health or utility bill has been helped by this out-dated notion.
Let me tell you the affect it has on me: BearCub has never needed much sleep. He sleeps through the night pretty much without fail (apart from when he’s ill) but he has always been an early riser. I have done everything to try to change this including pain-stakingly moving his bed time 10 mins a time to an hour later. As is the pattern I will finally get him into a routine of sleeping until a grand 6.30am when the clocks will change and we’re back to 5.30am wake ups! I can handle anything past 6am but just that half hour earlier tips me over the edge. I’m particularly dreading this weekend’s change as BearCub has taken to waking at 5.30am for the last week which means I’m in for a 4.30am little alarm clock on Sunday morning – joy! It will take me a good few months to get this back to anywhere near 6am and then the clocks will go forward and bedtime will be mucked up with a knock on effect on wake ups!!! Bloody daylight saving!!
A couple of things have prompted me to write this blog. Firstly, last week I was described and recommended as a ‘black’ mummy blogger to a mum who was looking for the same (apparently there are not many in the UK so identify yourselves if you’re out there!) In case you’re thinking this offended me, it didn’t in the slightest but as a ‘mixed race’ woman it did get me thinking about identity, culture and heritage and how we communicate/pass that on to our children. I have been asked numerous times in my life whether I see myself as ‘more black’ or ‘more white’ and I always find the question puzzling as in actual fact I don’t see myself as ‘more’ of one or the other. Now, I don’t mean that I see myself as separate from both rather I see myself as entirely both. From a young age my twin sister and I have called ourselves ‘brown’. Not sure if this is PC or not but it’s what we always felt was most fitting. Growing up we hated ‘coloured’ and ‘half-caste’ both common in the 80’s. A friend who has mixed race children used to point out to her children, ‘You are not ‘half’ anything – you are fully black and fully white.’ I quite liked this description owning all of your heritage and not just portions of it. Furthermore, I remember from very young age thinking for myself how wonderful it was that just by existing I represented two races coming together who had such a stark history of ignorance, hate and prejudice – I actually announced this to my teacher when I was around 10 years old! (Can you imagine what an annoying kid I was?) Please don’t stop reading if you’re not an ‘ethnic’ – sorry I’m not good at being P.C – because I think we can apply this to any racial background, not just colour. Whether your background is Welsh, Scottish, Irish or much further afield, our heritage is part of who we are and we should celebrate it and proudly embrace it but I strongly believe it shouldn’t and does not define us.
The thing is race and or ‘difference’ to children, if left to their own devices, really isn’t an issue. It wasn’t when I was little and it isn’t now. It only becomes an issue when children imitate adult’s poor attitudes, representations and prejudices. In short; it is learned behaviour. It’s not that very young children are unaware of ‘difference’ or don’t notice it, they simply accept it, get on with it and even celebrate it! I remember in the summer when BearCub noticed a birthmark Munchkin has on her foot when they were playing. After enquiring what it was, Bearcub actually cried because he wanted one too and we had to draw one on his foot to pretend. I wondered how different that conversation would be had the birthmark been on a child’s face and had they been thirteen!
So how can we encourage our children to keep the wonderful, curious, open-mindedness they have towards other looks, ways of doing things and experiences that they have now while they are pre-schoolers? I believe the answer is to expose them to as many different cultures, types of people and experiences as possible. We are spoilt for this in London as society is so vibrantly varied in terms of different cultures and races. However, I grew up in a school where there were only 4 black people in our year and my sister and I were the only mixed race pupils. Going back to the same school now every class has at least a couple of mixed race students! Mixed-race people are the fastest growing ethnic minority group (defined according to the National Statistics classification) in the UK and, with all mixed categories counted as one sole group, are predicted to be the largest minority group by 2020. I guess one day maybe we’ll all be brown! Last week at my local library they held a ‘Roots of the Caribbean’ day to celebrate Black History Month (This month in case you didn’t know!). It was a great event with Steel drums, traditional soul food and a wonderful carnival vibe.
My little boy doesn’t look like he has any black in him at all (his dad is white) but I think it is important for him to understand and explore his roots, not only so he is able to dance in time at the school discos, but so he can appreciate the wonderful diversity of language, culture, colour and life in general. My son has never asked why Grandad is black and Nanny is white or even why mummy is brown (or gold as he likes to say) because it doesn’t even occur to him. Sometimes by being overly P.C we can create issue where there is none. Wouldn’t it be great if adults took the lead from how young children so readily interact with those different to themselves?