Rose-tinted spectacles
I love my mother. She is my best-friend and confidante. She is the woman who brought me up. She is an excellent Grandmother and a fantastic emergency, child-minder. I value her opinions and trust her judgement… most of the time!
Recently, however, there has been one thing I have to disagree with her about and that’s the terrible-twos.
The munchin is not the worst behaved toddler I know by a long stretch, and I don’t think that anyone else would say that she is either, but she is two and she does have her moments. I have made comment about those moments to Mum on the phone on a number of occasions.
I am usually at home on my own with her when she throws a real wobbler (thank goodness still appears to happen mainly in the house) and I often feel the need to off load. Who better to call in the middle of the day and let off steam to than your mother?
Well last time I called and made comment about the ‘terrible-twos’ and a small barney that myself and munchkin had had over something trivial, mother decided that the best thing to do was tell me how she and her friends had all been discussing this issue and had come to the conclusion that it must be modern parenting which caused this, as none of them had ever had a problem with their children. Way to make me feel better Mum!
We chatted for a while (with me no doubt sounding a little frosty) about why I didn’t think my parenting had created some sort of monster-child; how I wasn’t parenting all that differently to her and that one off refusals from a toddler are developmentally normal, but still she said, “I can see what you mean, but I think it’s just like stress, neither of them really existed in the past”!
I have decided that rather than falling out with my Mum on this one, (and I’m not even getting into the debate about ‘stress’!) I shall instead take a positive message from my mother and her friends’ rose-tinted spectacles. No matter how awful those tantrums seem now, the memory of them must fade to nothing over the years. What other explanation could there be for an entire generation of angel-toddlers?!
R
More Than A Mum Blog 
September 22, 2011 at 10:51 am
LOL – I had the same thought when my mum said something like “you wouldn’t behave like that if you were my son” to the 2 year old. Yes, he was being tired and whiny, but after my initial grrrr I just patted myself on the back for having more patience than my mother!
September 22, 2011 at 7:14 pm
Patience is a virtue,
Possess it if you can,
It’s seldom found in woman,
But it’s never found in man!
(That’s what my Grandma used to say, anyway!)
September 22, 2011 at 11:26 am
Oh I used to get similar, especially about potty training., I just used to put it down to her getting old!
September 22, 2011 at 7:12 pm
It’s a case of filtering the useful comments from the enraging ones isn’t it?!
September 22, 2011 at 12:27 pm
Well, that’s one thing I love about mum’s, they are the only person in the world who will give you their honest opinion (whether we like it or not). I often ring my mum for some TLC, when feeling like an awful mum, and she gives me no sympathy. When I tell her off for not giving me sympathy, she says, ‘sorry, does that make me an awful mum?’ lol point taken. Maybe you were just an angel? 🙂 xxx
September 22, 2011 at 7:11 pm
I’m not sure I could claim to be an angel now…
September 22, 2011 at 7:00 pm
The past is a distant country, often viewed through rose-tinted spectacles. By the sounds of it, you’re doing as we say in my house, a grand job.
September 22, 2011 at 7:03 pm
Laughing, love it. I shall take a leaf out of your book when I’m next talking with my mum about the boys.
September 22, 2011 at 7:10 pm
Take as many leaves as you wish, though I’m not always this calm about other people’s helpful comments! (I’m sure that will come up in the future!)
September 26, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Found you through lovenewblogs and laughing lots at this post – I just love the conclusion you have come to!
September 26, 2011 at 7:25 pm
Glad we’ve made you giggle. We’ll keep on trying! Oh, and you’ve always got to come to the brightest conclusion, otherwise you’d end up miserable/mad! Glad that lovenewblogs helped you find us!
September 26, 2011 at 6:20 pm
Both my mother an mother in law are extremely quick to give me their advice and opinions on how I could improve my parenting techniques and I just close my eyes and mouth, bite my tongue and reassure myself that I am doing a good job! If you only disagree on one thing you’re doing ok!
September 26, 2011 at 7:39 pm
Ha ha. I love the idea that I’ll remember my son as an angel. My mum obviously didn’t forget the terrible twos because she thinks my son is an angel in comparison to how me and my sister were for her!
Found you on Love New Blogs. 🙂
September 28, 2011 at 8:23 pm
Also here from Love New Blogs.
I think it’s nonsense that Terrible Twos is a modern phenomenon! Of course your mother and her friends had to deal with it, just many years ago and memories fade. I think your plan is most definitely the best way forwards.
September 29, 2011 at 7:22 pm
Ah yes those rose tinted specs ! My mother puts them on every time to deal with the topic of when to potty train my toddler. Every child I have had she’s always said the same thing ‘You were potty trained by 8 months old’
Seriously ?!
I doubt that very much mamma !
I left a few years gap between my 6th and 7th child and I managed to convince myself that bringing up a baby was easy peasy in between those few years…we mock now but reckon it will only be a few years before we pop our rose tinted beasties on !
September 30, 2011 at 9:03 am
Gosh were’nt we all potty-trained under 12 months? And we were never any trouble, and we ate vegetables because we just had to…. I distinctly remember being walloped by my mother for calling her a liar (she said I didn’t ‘want’ chocolate coins, and I really really did) but she has no recollection of it. Apparently children today have no respect like they used to, smacking shouldn’t be the no-no that it currently is in these new-fangled mollycoddling times, and pulling yourself together is a much better idea than talking about stress. (My Mother’s words, you understand!) And this coming from a super-critical, depressed and lonley elderly lady, who tells me off if I ever get impatient with my kids!
October 25, 2011 at 7:18 pm
My mother also speaks as if I and my siblings before me never really played up, and she ‘just got on with it’ etc. So either she was some kind of super-mum goddess managing to raise three kids by herself without any trouble, or some of it’s been forgotten.
I’m going to say I think it’s the latter.
I’m now raising my three with OH and I am hugely stressed and frazzled, struggling not to fall ill again, and my toddler is one the terrible ones that runs off, screams, whatever. I really hope by the time mine have flown the nest, it will all be a vague and distant memory too.
They do eat their veg though, whereas I was a right fussy child when it came to my food. My mother was quite surprised the other day when my 5-year-old cleared her plate and said “I didn’t really like the cauliflower, so I mixed it in with the stuff I do like and ate it. It’s good for me.” I’m so proud when they do things like that. That’s my one success.
October 25, 2011 at 8:44 pm
I am sure that you have more than one success. Though the one you mention is a big one (says the Mum of a 2.5 year old who threw cheese all over the floor today, because it wasn’t the right colour!). Being a Mum is a tough job and we always question our own ability. Sounds like you’re doing as well as the rest of us! Also, update: Saw Mum this weekend and she said her sister said I was a stroppy bugger when I was a toddler and always wanted my own way… so obviously it is a case of time-heals!
October 25, 2011 at 8:31 pm
Oh your post makes me feel really sad. My mum died when my first daughter was only 8 months old so we never got to have all these discussions. Just remember that mums mean well when they criticise like this. I miss mine every day and wish we could have talks like this even if I know it would have driven me mad! Cherish your mum whatever her faults – she sounds like a gem x
October 25, 2011 at 8:39 pm
Thank you for commenting. I agree no matter how mad they drive you they do always mean well and my Mum is amazing. I’m sorry the post made you sad. I lost my Dad before I had children and often think how great he would have been as a Grandad, esp. now that Munchkin is old enough to ask questions about him. It’s tough losing a parent, no matter how old you are. xx