Toddlers
Daylight Saving Time: Torture for parents!
I am too tired to write a deep and meaningful blog post this morning and I’ll tell you why: Whose stupid idea was it to change the clocks twice a year? Obviously they were not thinking of the impact on Mother’s across the nation whose little darlings get up at 5.30am like mine does! What on earth were they thinking and just who does this benefit?
Well apparently it’s all to do with saving the hours of daylight, and was started by a chap called William Willett, a London builder, who lived in Petts Wood in Kent.
Basically, he reckoned that you could improve the population’s health and happiness by putting forward the clocks by twenty minutes every Sunday in April and do the opposite in September (quite obviously not a parent!). His idea was not taken up, even though a ‘Daylight Saving Bill’ was introduced some five years before the outbreak of World War One. But once the war started, it was considered prudent to economise, to promote greater efficiency in using daylight hours, and in the use of artificial lighting. And so in 1916, ‘Daylight Saving Time’ was introduced.
Hello? This was therefore about three reasons: improving health and happiness and economising due to the war. Not a very extensive study admittedly, but I’m yet to meet a person let alone a parent whose happiness, health or utility bill has been helped by this out-dated notion.
Let me tell you the affect it has on me: BearCub has never needed much sleep. He sleeps through the night pretty much without fail (apart from when he’s ill) but he has always been an early riser. I have done everything to try to change this including pain-stakingly moving his bed time 10 mins a time to an hour later. As is the pattern I will finally get him into a routine of sleeping until a grand 6.30am when the clocks will change and we’re back to 5.30am wake ups! I can handle anything past 6am but just that half hour earlier tips me over the edge. I’m particularly dreading this weekend’s change as BearCub has taken to waking at 5.30am for the last week which means I’m in for a 4.30am little alarm clock on Sunday morning – joy! It will take me a good few months to get this back to anywhere near 6am and then the clocks will go forward and bedtime will be mucked up with a knock on effect on wake ups!!! Bloody daylight saving!!
L
Teaching children about identity, prejudice and racism
A couple of things have prompted me to write this blog. Firstly, last week I was described and recommended as a ‘black’ mummy blogger to a mum who was looking for the same (apparently there are not many in the UK so identify yourselves if you’re out there!) In case you’re thinking this offended me, it didn’t in the slightest but as a ‘mixed race’ woman it did get me thinking about identity, culture and heritage and how we communicate/pass that on to our children. I have been asked numerous times in my life whether I see myself as ‘more black’ or ‘more white’ and I always find the question puzzling as in actual fact I don’t see myself as ‘more’ of one or the other. Now, I don’t mean that I see myself as separate from both rather I see myself as entirely both. From a young age my twin sister and I have called ourselves ‘brown’. Not sure if this is PC or not but it’s what we always felt was most fitting. Growing up we hated ‘coloured’ and ‘half-caste’ both common in the 80’s. A friend who has mixed race children used to point out to her children, ‘You are not ‘half’ anything – you are fully black and fully white.’ I quite liked this description owning all of your heritage and not just portions of it. Furthermore, I remember from very young age thinking for myself how wonderful it was that just by existing I represented two races coming together who had such a stark history of ignorance, hate and prejudice – I actually announced this to my teacher when I was around 10 years old! (Can you imagine what an annoying kid I was?) Please don’t stop reading if you’re not an ‘ethnic’ – sorry I’m not good at being P.C – because I think we can apply this to any racial background, not just colour. Whether your background is Welsh, Scottish, Irish or much further afield, our heritage is part of who we are and we should celebrate it and proudly embrace it but I strongly believe it shouldn’t and does not define us.
The thing is race and or ‘difference’ to children, if left to their own devices, really isn’t an issue. It wasn’t when I was little and it isn’t now. It only becomes an issue when children imitate adult’s poor attitudes, representations and prejudices. In short; it is learned behaviour. It’s not that very young children are unaware of ‘difference’ or don’t notice it, they simply accept it, get on with it and even celebrate it! I remember in the summer when BearCub noticed a birthmark Munchkin has on her foot when they were playing. After enquiring what it was, Bearcub actually cried because he wanted one too and we had to draw one on his foot to pretend. I wondered how different that conversation would be had the birthmark been on a child’s face and had they been thirteen!
So how can we encourage our children to keep the wonderful, curious, open-mindedness they have towards other looks, ways of doing things and experiences that they have now while they are pre-schoolers? I believe the answer is to expose them to as many different cultures, types of people and experiences as possible. We are spoilt for this in London as society is so vibrantly varied in terms of different cultures and races. However, I grew up in a school where there were only 4 black people in our year and my sister and I were the only mixed race pupils. Going back to the same school now every class has at least a couple of mixed race students! Mixed-race people are the fastest growing ethnic minority group (defined according to the National Statistics classification) in the UK and, with all mixed categories counted as one sole group, are predicted to be the largest minority group by 2020. I guess one day maybe we’ll all be brown! Last week at my local library they held a ‘Roots of the Caribbean’ day to celebrate Black History Month (This month in case you didn’t know!). It was a great event with Steel drums, traditional soul food and a wonderful carnival vibe.
My little boy doesn’t look like he has any black in him at all (his dad is white) but I think it is important for him to understand and explore his roots, not only so he is able to dance in time at the school discos, but so he can appreciate the wonderful diversity of language, culture, colour and life in general. My son has never asked why Grandad is black and Nanny is white or even why mummy is brown (or gold as he likes to say) because it doesn’t even occur to him. Sometimes by being overly P.C we can create issue where there is none. Wouldn’t it be great if adults took the lead from how young children so readily interact with those different to themselves?
L
What is a good childhood?
As well as being a mum and a singer I also work as a radio presenter and producer. My show is for Unsigned artists and I meet some incredibly talented people. This week an artist who is also a friend of mine (Jules Rendell) sent me a new track she has written which was inspired by the 2009 Children’s society report. The song is called Never been Loved and it’s in response to the findings, which basically said that children are more anxious and troubled today than ever before. It largely put this down to parents striving for material success and pursuing their own self-centered ends rather than the needs of their children.
Wikipedia puts it like this: The Inquiry’s report, A Good Childhood: Searching for Values in a Competitive Age [8], was published in 2009 and received considerable media coverage, including from the BBC[9]. It found that ‘excessive individualism’ is causing a range of problems for children today, including family break-up, teenage unkindness, unprincipled advertising, too much competition in education and acceptance of income inequality.
The song is fantastic and speaks of discovering an unconditional love that can spur you on to hope but what really impacted me was the summary of the findings that she sent along with the track (above).
This ‘excessive individualism’ can be seen throughout our society and I agree that it’s spreading like an endemic disease. It is all the more deadly because it is not only seen as acceptable, but the norm. We are programmed from an early age to strive and compete to ‘have it all’. In deed in this day and age we believe it is our ‘right’ and that we in fact deserve it. What’s worse is many young people are growing up believing these ‘things’ should come their way without doing a thing to contribute to themselves or the society they live in. This dissatisfaction with life is what I believe was at the root of the recent UK riots primarily amongst the youth: Young people who feel the world owes them more without having to earn it in any way. And it is not just the under-privileged youths that have this attitude. Middle class children who want for nothing, have the latest gadgets and get everything on their Christmas list are also turning into adults who ‘expect’ material gain with little effort. But as super-nanny would say (bless her) usually it is not the child’s fault for their behavior and attitude.
Along with this, the lie is sold that by gaining these ‘things’ you gain happiness and fulfillment along with it. Mums and dads who work all hours, most days just for a luxury 2-week holiday twice a year are modeling this same attitude. I must say I get challenged every Christmas when I find myself wanting to buy BearCub every toy I see that I know he would love. However I had a stark wake up call recently when he started to ask and expect a new toy every time we went out. I had been spoiling my child. At the risk of sounding all ‘when I was a wee lass’, when I was a child we had secondhand toys which we were overjoyed with and I remember my sister and I crying for joy when my mum managed to scrap together enough to get us a second-hand Commodore 64!
We ought to be showing our children what is important in life and the only way we can do that is to find out what really fulfills us and make sure we’re living our dreams too. This will inspire our children that happiness and fulfillment equal success – whatever the route there may be for each individual.
L
Playdough Recipe
As the cold weather draws in we are all going to be looking for a few more indoor activities for the little ‘uns. The best things provide a range of activities rolled into one to keep the kids engaged for a reasonable amount of time. This is an old one, but a great one and both Munchkin and I love it – making playdough and having a playdough party.
Activity one: playdough making
Even young children can help with the mixing and kneading as both are done away from the heat.
Ingredients:
1 cup water (it doesn’t matter what size cup, just use the same one throughout)
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
½ cup salt (This preserves it and makes it unpleasant for little ‘uns to munch on!)
1 teaspoon food colouring (You may need more if you want very vibrant colours)
A few drops almond essence (This is not essential, but mimics the scent of the bough playdough)
1 cup flour (Make sure it’s plain)
Put all the ingredients, other than the four, into a large saucepan and warm gently.
Remove from the heat and add the flour.
Stir in the flour, then remove from the pan and knead until smooth
Keep in an airtight container (we often use old take away containers)
Activity two: playdough playing
Once you have made the playdough, you can keep it for months (no exaggeration, if you’ve used cream of tartar) in an airtight container, but nothing beats that first game with the new, still slightly warm dough. I actually find it quite relaxing, rolling, shaping and squishing the dough!
Munchkin and I usually have a playdough party the first time round. We get cake decorations, fairy cake cases and candles and make numerous cakes. We usually then get out all the stuffed toys, a picnic blanket and the tea set and have a playdough party.
Making the dough is brilliant for their cooking skills (older children could help weigh and measure too) and the child’s enquiring mind will love watching the individual ingredients combine and create a new substance – chemistry in action! Playing with playdough encourages imaginary play and also helps with fine motor skills.
All in all, then, making playdough is a great activity for a cold, rainy day.
Are you scared of spiders Mummy?
One of the constant dilemmas I face as a single-mum to my 2 year-old bear-cub is how much negative emotion to try to ‘hide’ from him. The other day we found a huge spider in his bedroom and I tried to calmly explain that we needed to take him outside so he could ‘be with his spider friends’. When bear cub questioned why I was putting the spider in a glass and not picking it up with my hands I answered, through gritted teeth and with shaky hands, that I simply didn’t want to accidently squash him! From the look on his face I don’t think bear cub was convinced for a minute. I however, was actually quite proud of myself for managing to get that close to a big spider even if there was a glass between it and me. Dealing with spiders is yet another new territory for me since becoming a single parent.
But there are so many questions here regarding fears. We, as mums, instinctively want to do what is best and right for our little ones. We cannot fight the overwhelming force which leads us to want to protect them from all harm at all costs. On the other hand, most of us recognize how in the long term it does not benefit our children to grow up completely ignorant to some of the harsh realities in life that they inevitably will face. The fact is, bad things do happen in life and it is not always a world of Cbeebies-happiness. But how much should we educate them in the darker side of life and at what age? I constantly change my mind on this one. As a child, I was exposed to the troubles of the adult world too much and too soon, the result being my sister and I were in somewhat of a role-reversal situation with our mum particularly in our teens and we were forced to grow up too quickly. The positives are my sister and I are very strong, independent and calm in a crisis but we do some times wish we’d had a few more years of the care-free existence of a child who only has to worry about what they might not get for Christmas. This experience has made me adamant that my son will not feel burdened with the responsibility of ‘making sure mum is ok’ or feeling guilty at having his own life and certainly that he will not feel that he has to be ‘the man of the house’. Having said that, despite my best efforts, if I’m having a ‘difficult’ day which I feel I am handling internally I’ll often catch my little boy making an extra effort to make me laugh or smile. It saddens me that he can so easily pick up my mood and want to or even feel responsible for turning it around.
My reality is that my little boy does not have his daddy living with him and although we’re trying to make that situation as smooth for him as possible he is beginning to become aware that this is not the case for many of his friends. I’d be doing him a disservice as a parent to not sensitively communicate with him about this in terms he can understand. I think we’d all agree it is not healthy to wrap our children in cotton-wool but I also believe it is good practice to let them know it is ‘ok’ for mummy to not be happy all the time and that sometimes people get sad. More often than not, if it’s explained in an appropriate way they can handle it and move on. After all, as I have discovered, kids are not stupid and know when you’re faking something anyway!
What’s your views/experience on this topic?
L
Toddler friendly museum
The other day, I tried something new with my 2 and a half year old. We went to the Victoria and Albert Museum. I didn’t take her there strapped into a buggy and hoping she would sleep. I didn’t drag her around, kicking and screaming. I didn’t even have to carry her – she had great fun!
We headed to Exhibition Row on the tube at about 9.30; just late enough to have missed the bulk of the rush hour traffic. We did have to stand for the first two stops and then ask to get to a seat which became spare in front of a mid-20s lady who looked half asleep and mortified that she hadn’t asked us first, but the two stops of standing up and holding on were fun for the munchkin who kept saying, “the train is wibbly-wobbly!”. I decided against the buggy – more hassle than it’s worth up and down stairs in the tube. I knew this might mean a shoulder ride every now and again, but figured it isn’t far from South Kensington Station to the V&A…
We have been on a number of occasions to see the Dinosaurs at the Natural History Museum, or the Basement play area at the Science museum, but we hadn’t yet braved a real museum, at least not with the intention that the munchkin took part. We arrived about 5 minutes before the doors opened and Munchkin loved looking at the letters spinning round above the tunnel entrance. I had judged it right and running like a maniac down the tunnel was fun, so far we had managed the train ride and the arrival with no carrying necessary. Now to brave the quiet, peaceful and ‘don’t touch’ surroundings of a real museum!
I had looked online before we went and decided to head for the Discover the Medieval World section and have a go at brass rubbing. I did have to reiterate a couple of times that museums are for walking in and that you mustn’t touch exhibits, but this was repaid with questions such as, “what is that around the lady’s head?” (Madonna and Child painting) “Where’s that statue’s head gone?” (Roman statues section) and “Is that another funny lion?” (Medieval carvings). So she was definitely interested despite the hands-off nature of the journey to the discovery room.
We found the room and stayed there for about an hour. (As with other Museums in London, it’s free, so even making a short trip worthwhile.) We did brass rubbing, drew a picture of a mythical beast, did jigsaws of coats of arms, and dressed up. It was great fun, and by far the best ‘proper’ museum experience we’ve had.
On the way out, a member of staff stopped us and asked if we’d heard of the backpacks that they do. I said I’d seen them online, but thought that they’d be a bit old for a 2 year old. I was told that they’d just launched a toddler one with soft-block jigsaws and an animal sound trail. Looks like we’ll be heading back to the V and A another day!
R
Tresure Hunt #2
I hope that one or two of you had a go at the treasure hunt over the last couple of days. I don’t know about where you are, but we have had glorious sunshine over the last few days and after the wash-out summer, it’s been nice to get out and do things with the kids, so we took munchkin and bear-cub to Kew Gardens with some treasure hunt sheets to see how it worked with two…
Often when we visit Kew, the kids want to head straight for Climbers and Creepers, the indoor play area, but today we wanted to get them to explore outside as we didn’t want to miss the beautiful sunshine! Bring on the treasure hunt.
To ensure at least one child was onside, munchkin and I created the sheets together. She helped to choose pictures for the sheets, which also provided us with another activity, and we personalised each one with the kids’ names and headed to Kew.
First we popped to the Princess Diana Conservatory and looked at plants and fish – which promted comments such as “the crabs are behind the glass” from the munchkin and “can I put my finger in the water with the piranha” from bear-cub! Then we headed outside for the treasure hunt.
One sheet each (see below for link to printable sheet), one bag each and we Mummies were able to sit chatting while toddlers ran off together, (sometimes even holding hands and often calling to each other, searching for their treasure!) When they got confused, they’d head back to us and we would look in their bags, and chat with them about what they’d already found and then direct them to a good area to look for the next thing. It really didn’t take much effort on our part and it extended our time for chatting and catching up no end.
After the kids had completed their treasure hunt, it was time for a snack then off to look at the ducks, but throughout the little treasure bags were gripped tightly in their hands and then after a picnic lunch they headed off to find their own treasure, proudly bringing back fir-cones! Back to nature, little ‘uns!
Did you have a go at the treasure hunt? If so, let us know how it went. If not, why not print one off today and have a go?
R and L
Download a treasure hunt sheet here
Treasure Hunt
Download a treasure hunt sheet here
How do you get a two-year-old, who is perfectly capable of walking, to go where you want at a speed that isn’t so painfully slow you want to cry, without demanding to be carried after about 2 minutes?
If you already have this cracked then I worship you! For me, a walk to the shops, the library or even the park, can have me breathing deeply and counting to ten rather too often. I regularly resort to the buggy for journeys, despite knowing that she can walk the few 100 yards, just so that I don’t have to a) chase her the wrong way down the street, b) drag her along like a sullen teenager or c) carry her!
The other day I hit upon an idea, however, and it was so simple…we did a treasure hunt. I printed off an A4 sheet with her name at the top (that alone was exciting for the munchkin!) and six pictures of things to find: a brown leaf, a green leaf, a stick etc. We headed out with said list, a bag to collect things in an a smiling, excited daughter. She walked all the way to the park, gleefully searching for stones and grass. She didn’t say she wanted to be carried. She uncomplainingly held my hand across the roads and she went the right way at a reasonable speed. Result! She even came back in the same way looking for the last thing.
One word of warning though…I printed a red flower. Red flowers are not often found wild at this time of year. Darling daughter would not pick a different coloured flower, despite my protestations that I had only meant a flower, and the red was just for illustrative purposes, so if you want your child to be able to achieve the treasure hunt (without climbing over people’s garden walls…) consider the colour of flower!
R
Download a treasure hunt sheet here
Toddler morality
The other morning I discovered that my two and a half year old is well on the way to a life of petty crime… I was in the kitchen attempting to repair the carnage that breakfast in our house inevitability brings, and the munchkin was happily playing in the dining room. I could hear her ‘tidying’ the coasters and ‘putting away’ her toys. All is well, I thought, and ploughed on with the washing-up mountain. Next I hear her ask, “Can I play with Stanley, Mummy?”
Stanley is a plastic money box that Nanny brought her a few weekends ago. Nanny works in a well-known bank (as they say on the Beeb!) and the plastic money box is in the shape of the aforementioned ‘Stanley’ the dog, which is in the adverts at the moment. The money box caused some hilarity (and some squirming from me) when, the munchkin went round asking all the guests in our house for “some coins for my moneybox”. That’s OK when it’s the people who brought the moneybox, and even Mummy and Daddy, but when she started pouncing on friends we had staying and saying, “No, I want a silver one!” it got a touch embarrassing!
Anyway, I digress, on this particular morning she was merrily playing with Stanley, “Shall we go over here, Stanley”, “Come on Stanley let’s go for a walk” etc and then I heard the tinkle of money being dropped into the money box. I knew there were a couple of pennies on the side that I had found in the lining of my handbag earlier, so I paid no heed, but then I realised there were a good deal more tinkles that there had been pennies…
I popped my head around the door to see the munchkin emptying coins, one by one from my purse into her moneybox. She looked at me and in all innocence said, “Look Mummy, I’ve found some real money for my money box”!
R
If this two and a half, what hope is there?!
Rose-tinted spectacles
I love my mother. She is my best-friend and confidante. She is the woman who brought me up. She is an excellent Grandmother and a fantastic emergency, child-minder. I value her opinions and trust her judgement… most of the time!
Recently, however, there has been one thing I have to disagree with her about and that’s the terrible-twos.
The munchin is not the worst behaved toddler I know by a long stretch, and I don’t think that anyone else would say that she is either, but she is two and she does have her moments. I have made comment about those moments to Mum on the phone on a number of occasions.
I am usually at home on my own with her when she throws a real wobbler (thank goodness still appears to happen mainly in the house) and I often feel the need to off load. Who better to call in the middle of the day and let off steam to than your mother?
Well last time I called and made comment about the ‘terrible-twos’ and a small barney that myself and munchkin had had over something trivial, mother decided that the best thing to do was tell me how she and her friends had all been discussing this issue and had come to the conclusion that it must be modern parenting which caused this, as none of them had ever had a problem with their children. Way to make me feel better Mum!
We chatted for a while (with me no doubt sounding a little frosty) about why I didn’t think my parenting had created some sort of monster-child; how I wasn’t parenting all that differently to her and that one off refusals from a toddler are developmentally normal, but still she said, “I can see what you mean, but I think it’s just like stress, neither of them really existed in the past”!
I have decided that rather than falling out with my Mum on this one, (and I’m not even getting into the debate about ‘stress’!) I shall instead take a positive message from my mother and her friends’ rose-tinted spectacles. No matter how awful those tantrums seem now, the memory of them must fade to nothing over the years. What other explanation could there be for an entire generation of angel-toddlers?!
R
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